A Letter to Mother

Dear mom,

Fourteen years were a short period of raising a life that would sustain another life. And for everything you taught me, thank you. I also have to admit that you made a lot of mistakes which I swear I won’t repeat. I know this sounds absurd, but there are times when my life gets overwhelmed and I wish I just could cry and sit next to you. Just like when I complained about my math homework. Or my classmates, or about anything else (you always know that).

Dear mom,

Days get harder when knowing that stepping out from a certain circle is not always a solution. I always remember how you told us that with God anything was possible. But I think I’ve come to the point where giving up is the only solution. That I don’t have to finish everything I started and have no choice but to leave in silence. Do you ever wonder if God puts you in trouble on purpose? Will He change you? Or will He either change the storm? Anyway, talking about faith is never easy, right? Knowing that you and I face the different storm and sail the different direction.

Dear mom,

As I am growing up, I learn that it’s important for me to live to be happy, not to impress others. Often times, I found myself doing something for meeting the drive to impress others and ‘existing’ in some circumstances. As a result, I find it hard to do something whole-heartedly. Looking back, I regret all the money I threw on trying too hard to fit in a class where I don’t come from. I regret all the time I spent with people who drained me and used me to benefit themselves. And for that lesson, I promise myself not to repeat the same mistake or be that kind of person.

And at least, I have learnt that the people who compliment you on the top are the same people who criticize you and throw you to the bottom.

Dear mom,

In my youth, I have learnt that being idealistic would bring you nowhere. That honesty is a rare commodity and not everyone tolerate that. That speaking the truth may lead you to trouble, and for that reason sometimes you have to remain silent. That in order to bring yourself to the top, you have to let some people leave you (or maybe let yourself leave them). I hope that I can handle myself when hearing people bragging about themselves. About which family they come from. To hold my feelings and not to envy. Remember when you taught me that God blessed us in ways we didn’t expect? Well, I still hold on to that principle.

Dear mom,

I understand that I’m not a nice kid. Never was I your favorite kid. No, no, I won’t argue. But I promise you I will be a better kid. To practice what I preach to my school kids, to be ‘The Good Samaritans’. To be the next hope you always hope. Just pray for me,okay?

Your complaining daughter,

Helena