Lessons Learnt in 2015

As we are approaching the end of 2015, I believe there is a little relief that we (almost) make it. Now, looking back at things we have done in 2015 seems fascinating. The thing we look back, or what we call kaleidoscope, is usually focused on highlights, such as what progress we have made, how our inner circle have enlarged, how much we have made, and how capable we are to tackle every obstacle given in front of us. One thing that almost everyone forgets to add is the thing we learn along the journey.

Now here are the things I have learnt in 2015 (at least things I live by and will stick to in years ahead):

1.      People are just people

I am not an anti-social person or someone skeptically seeing friends and family as a firm foundation in someone’s life, but I believe people are just people. Yes, they do matter and play important roles in your life, but still, they are just people. They may love you, warm you, protect you, or maybe come to save you, but people are just people. There are times they will disappoint you, and it is okay. Because again (uh!) people are just people and no one is perfect. That being said, you should count on your inner circle but never put them in the center of it. You should be your own moon and star.

I know mom, I know.

2.      Because yes, it is easy to detach these days.

I was in a big disappointment while knowing that some of my friends, or worse, some people whom I actually count as family slowly detached themselves from me. They gave me thousand excuses saying, “I can’t make it, sorry, got things to do...” or simply not replying my text. Some later came to ask me for something which made me realize that some people would only talk to you if it benefitted them. Things get harder; particularly because we are doing clinical years and our circle doesn’t have something in common (remember that Venn diagram in math?)

And just when I thought that some relationship had finally come to an end, they acted like nothing ever happened. It was the time of my life when I finally realized that it was so easy to detach these day. Please, don’t get attached to temporary or seasonal people. But even if I say so, look again to number 1.

3.      Caring is another form of solidarity

As a believer, the year of Mercy Jubilee renews my spirit in playing part to be the front liner of kindness practice. Living in a diverse community, I believe there are thousand ways to contribute to the community. It might be through church ministry, getting involved in social work, reacting to what Paris Climate Conference aims at, or maybe just texting and old friend saying, “Hey, I know your OSCE drives you crazy, but I believe you can do it!”

4.      Never stop to enrich yourself

In my 20’s, I finally can take some notes on the definition of life accomplishment. Yes, money comes first when it comes to measure one’s happiness, but let’s not forget the other things. They are the people you make friends with, the things you count as your mood boosters, the lessons you have learnt along the road, and maybe the fact that you finally learn how to accept and forgive yourself.

Every face is a different book you learn

Remember, to practice number 3 (i.e., caring!) you must be rich first. Rich here, I mean, rich in things you will share. The same thing goes for forgiveness. In order to forgive others, you must forgive yourself first.

5.      Forgiving is liberating (Should I explain more?)

6.      Be there for others, but never lose yourself.

7.      Be faithful, in life and for others.

During the hardships I endure, I really appreciate people who pray for me. I also know some people who walked through hell with me, and yes, I am so thankful for them. They are the ones who will scold me for being so clingy yet applaud me while starting to see my progress and the ones who have faith in me. These people teach me about faithfulness by being faithful in waiting for me to grow up. And just when I think when the story will end here, I believe we all agree that life is about taking and giving. And now it is my time to pay it forward.

8.      Life-sucking friends DO exist.

Ah yes, they do. I have this kind of friend who will adjust the wind direction to whatever pleases her. The thing that comes to my mind every time I hear her name is manipulative. She will use every way, everyone, every ah.. can’t even mention, to grant her wishes. Persistent? Yes! Life-sucking? Oh Yes! Dangerous? You don’t say!

But even if they exist and usually cannot be avoided, I think the best way is to make sure where you stand. Please, learn to say no. At first, these people will make you feel guilty, but please don’t. They should learn that they can’t always get what they want, simply because this if life (you don’t get everything you want, either.)

Engga ya engga.

9.      Your goals are flexible.

I once read the quote saying, ‘Be flexible with your ways but rigid to your goals.” Sorry, I don’t completely agree with this. For me, I had different goals through different phases in my life. I remember when I was a teenager, looking skinny and sexy was a big thing for me and showing people what I am capable with was one of the reasons why I signed up for instagram. Or when I thought that my world had tumbled down hearing the boy I admired had dated someone else. Do these things still matter for me? Not really. I have found that it is okay if God uses me in this 154 cm body and my dad is still cool even if he doesn’t own a mansion, just like those cool kids’ photos on instagram. And yes, I will stop chasing a boy that is never meant to be.

I finally give up my dream to impress other and start listing the things I consider as important. It is still changeable, but vividly shows me that living life to the fullest is the thing that still matters at the end of the day.

10.  Adulting is hard, but is a mandatory. 

Karena perempuan itu..

I hate to admit this, but even if I still hate doing my own laundry and still letting the plates pile up before I have no plate to use, I am on my way to be an adult. For a 22-year-old like me, it’s cute to have a cute boyfriend who takes me out for a fancy dinner, but those things won’t last. Things will change and maybe the two will stay together, which means, start learning how to make simple dishes because yes, you can’t have fancy dinner every day with your SO.

I know, I still have tons to share, but these are the last things that come in to my mind. So, what are the things you have learnt in 2015?

Blessings,

Helena